Today

Today was a strange day for me. So many things have changed lately that I feel like my head is spinning. I don't especially feel like the world likes me right now but I'm still here, which after the day I had last Thursday is quite a miracle. I don't know where I will end up. Actually I don't have any answers right now, just a lot of useless questions. I've made it through the last two days without losing a limb or getting hit by a train. (I did have a gruesome fantasy today though......Boom.....squish....) I still don't find myself understanding anything but my hope is that I will either stop looking or it will fall into my lap. Thinking about moving far far away. I don't think that's the worst thing I could do right now, maybe not the best but....Considering I'm actually not completely allowed to be alone right now it will take some time to get there. But I'm dreaming of far off places, imagining that I'm someone else, and just trying to drag myself out of a really dark hole. I know that there's hope. I just can't seem to remember where I put it. Oh well. I'll just keep going. Because the other option is boring.