"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

So this is my first entry. My life is all sorts of crazy right this moment so I thought "What better than to provide entertainment fodder for the bored". Maybe you're thinking, "How arrogant." But you are here for a reason are you not? So let's jump right in. I've been struggling with some major existential and moral issues lately. Philosophical plights that really shouldn't take up the average 24 year old female's time. (Am I average? Ooh let's add that to the list of plights. Feel me brood!) One question plaguing me is, what makes an action wrong? Is it the consequences of the action? If so does it only make something wrong when the consequences are negative? Is there some internal moral compass that really does tell you when something is right or wrong? For some maybe. I find for myself with more gray issues that I struggle. I'm certainly not the type to say if it makes you feel good do it. There are many things that make you feel good that you should not do (mostly because of negative outcomes). But how does one decide when said action is wrong? For some they take the spiritual route which is fine but I wonder about the human animal. If left to it's own devices, taken away social norms and what today's religion teaches us, how does the beast that we are decide in a gray scale society where it's loyalties lie. I think where we often go wrong is when we let things outside of ourselves decide what it is that we need and what it right for us. Just because a group of people decide something is wrong doesn't mean that it is so. ("I am stupid, and all I do is want and need things".) I don't know much about philosophy but I know a few things. I know a little about Kant's view on motivations and how they impact the worth of an action or deed. Basically if a motivation or maxim isn't true then a good deed is worthless. Man being a primarily selfish creature will more than likely always lean toward decisions that will benefit him or herself. I find that I get ridiculously anxious in situations that demand me to choose someone else over myself. I'm not saying that I'm a selfless person but I will choose the other person, more often than not and take short end of the stick myself. It's easier that way. I'm really good at hurting myself (and as it would seem according to current situations, allowing other people to hurt me). The thing that I'm experiencing right now is demanding my fair share out of life and having my world collapse in on me like a house of cards. The first time I finally decide to stand up and take what I want and not give in to the other person and I am being severely punished for it. Or at least that's how it seems. Have I done something wrong? The negativity that I am being drowned in right now dictates that is true. People can look at the situation I'm in and say there are others who are dealing with worse things. This, I know without a doubt is true. But this is my reality and I have to deal with it every day when I wake up. It is my heart that I have to try and put the pieces back together all by myself. I know now that I should be more careful who I trust. I know now that I should use more discretion when I give my heart away and not give it to someone who doesn't treasure it. I know now that I do not ever want to be treated again like a situation to be dealt with instead of a person. I guess these are some positives, very hard learned, for sure. I don't ever want to feel like this again. Those of you who know me, know what I'm talking about. Those of you who don't, maybe I'll tell you someday.